secret sex diary: the awkward app-hopper
A week in the life of...a 26-year-old discovering casual dating and complex FWBs
A week in the life of...a 26-year-old discovering casual dating and complex FWBs
One-night stands may be on the decline, but a new generation is giving us insight into the who, what, where and why of hooking up in our anonymous, monthly Secret Sex Diaries.
Letting us into the intimate details of a week in their sex life is a 26-year-old who’s discovering the pros (and cons) of being single and wanking off apps
Vital statistics
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Relationship style: Poly/single
The week in numbers:
Sex: 0
Masturbation: 4
After being in a long term relationship from age 17 to 24, I am experiencing all that single life has to offer – from FWB, situationships and one night stands, to overusing dreaded apps like Hinge and Feeld. To be honest, it’s had its highs and lows but with each time I feel more confident in navigating the world of casual sex and dating. It’s much less daunting now.
Sex is a massive part of my life. I’ve always had a really high sex drive, something my previous partner struggled to match. I crave excitement and newness, which makes being single fun for me. It isn’t always fun though; whether it’s leaving someone’s flat after an awkward encounter or figuring out how to end situationships that have run their course, it can get tricky. I also definitely enjoy being the object of someone’s desire, and sometimes wonder if it has more to do with me than them.
Seeing multiple people casually at the same time requires you to be honest with yourself and them, and while I’m not perfect, I’m doing my best. I’m also discovering that many cis men aren’t comfortable with a FWB, casual, polyamorous relationship which isn’t entirely on their terms.
They’re not used to the equality of the arrangement and end up playing games. Having recently ended another situationship, where the other person couldn’t comfortably do the casual sex thing, I’m looking for something easy and frequent again.
Thursday
I went to a wedding where one of the groomsman’s friends offered to buy me a drink, had zero chat, and then spent the rest of the night following me around. Mortifyingly, he lingered, not saying a word, when I was with my family. Eventually when they left, he sat down next to me and continued with more dead chat.
He then asked “why haven’t you got a fella?”, and I responded that I don’t want one. I reluctantly asked if he had a girlfriend, expecting him to say no, given his behaviour. Yet he confirmed he did have a girlfriend who lived with him in Manchester. OK bro! I seem to be attracting men who are in relationships, something I am not thrilled with (and only find out afterwards). It happened last week while I was at a music festival and then again today.
Friday
I’m staying in tonight because I’ve just returned to London after the wedding and I'm knackered. My friends are going to the pub and I’d love to go out and see them but I know I need rest. So instead, I settle for an episode of Succession, a few chapters of my book and my vibrator.
Saturday
I wake up to a thirst trap from a long term FWB who lives overseas. We’re due to see each other IRL in a few weeks. I respond “thirst trappin” to which I receive a horny vid back. There’s a huge time difference, so while I’m working, he’s in the mood as it’s nighttime there. As I view the video, I laugh at how odd this arrangement is, and ask myself what on earth would happen when he comes to the UK. It’s either going to be really fun or ridiculously awful.
In the evening I met some friends for drinks and it got out of hand very quickly: I ended up kissing one of them, Max*. I actually met him on a Hinge date when I was newly single. We decided to be friends but have kissed a few times recently. I’m really not into it, but for some reason it always seems like a good idea when I’m drunk. We all went back to his place and at the end of the night I ran away. I should really tell him it isn’t going to happen.
Sunday
I wake up really hungover, order a huge takeaway and eat it in bed. Then I remember I have a date today and squirm. It’s with someone I met at Glastonbury, and as I lie there I realise I know virtually nothing about this man. He suggests dinner, and I decide that a girl’s gotta eat. I have a beer with a friend beforehand to steady the nerves, then head to the date. I discovered that he’s nine years older than me and good fun. He’s picked a modern, dimly-lit restaurant for dinner. We eat some small plates and kiss a lot. He kindly pays for dinner and I get us a round of cocktails.
Fast forward to us kissing in the tube station six hours after we’d previously met there. I think he’s going to invite me back to his house but he doesn’t, which surprises me. But I’m happy to build some suspense and it is a school night, after all. We make plans for the following week.
Monday
Hungover. Eat. Work. Hungover. Bed. Masturbate twice. Sleep.
Tuesday
I ended up chatting with this guy from Hinge. It’s quite dull and doesn’t really go anywhere. I eventually give up and say I’m going to bed.
Wednesday
I went on a date with a guy from Feeld, we’ve been messaging for a little while, so I thought, ‘Why not?’ He’s younger than I am, but doesn’t look it. We go for some drinks, and eventually he invites me back to his place. I say yes and we go back to his studio flat-loft conversion, which doubles as a photography studio. (Peak softboi vibes). Eventually, we start kissing and he picks me up and pushes me against the wall. We kiss some more on the sofa before getting undressed. We both seem really into it but he’s going really quickly so I ask him to slow down. This seems to freak him out a bit. I asked him if everything’s alright, and he said that he’s just in his head. We stop, and he tells me that he's in recovery for substance abuse, which he has been replacing with sex, and has recently taken on a period of celibacy. My comment reminded him that he needed to slow down. I tell him it’s OK and walk home, confused but grateful for his honesty. I voicenoted my friends on the way home and crawled into bed soon after.
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