Secret sex diary: the newly single city girl embracing her slut era
A week in the sex life of... a 25-year-old exploring spontaneous sex and reconnecting with FWBs after a breakup
A week in the sex life of... a 25-year-old exploring spontaneous sex and reconnecting with FWBs after a breakup
One-night stands may be on the decline, but a new generation is giving us insight into the who, what, where and why of hooking up in our anonymous, monthly Secret Sex Diaries.
Letting us into the intimate details of a week in their sex life is a 25-year-old woman who’s re-entering the dating world after a breakup and exploring her taste in gym bros.
Vital statistics:
Age: 25 Gender: cis female Relationship style: newly single Orientation: heteroflexible
This week in numbers:
Sex: 3 Masturbation: 5 Sex parties: 1
I’m currently in a big adjustment phase after recently ending a one-year on-and-off situationship. At 24, it was the first time I’d come close to having a proper relationship, and was my first real taste of monogamy. I’d unexpectedly found someone I had a strong friendship with <and> really fancied (a tough combo to crack IMO) - and the past year has taught me a lot about what I really like in bed, plus helped me to understand the power of actually good regular sex.
So, of course, I was sad to see the relationship end (his choice, not mine). And while I enjoyed the closeness that came with intense intimacy, I’m also now excited to get back into being a high-key slut.
Pre-catching feelings, I had a moderate roster of hot friends with benefits/fuck buddies who I enjoyed sleeping with but didn’t want to hold a significant conversation with. So, to ease back into dating properly, I’ve been hitting up a few of them. Plus, I’d also previously been big on attending an exclusive London sex party - something I found hugely liberating post-Covid. It’s where I got together with my recent ex, whom I’d known at uni and reconnected with on one v sexy evening. We’d held off on attending together until things felt secure enough (which never happened); so now I’m excited to delve into the scene again alone.
Last month, I hit up a dominatrix event where we watched a demonstration of a man being pegged (among other classes), with attendees invited to take turns practising on him (I didn’t). For this upcoming party, I’ve texted my ex half-jokingly telling him not to attend - and we previously semi-agreed that I “would get the party in the divorce”. I was the one who went first, so it feels right that it should be mine.
Monday
I’ve been feeling horny all week, likely due to ovulation, which I track meticulously on my Clue app. It’s been about a month since I last had sex with my ex, and now I’m feeling more emotionally ready, I feel like I need to fuck it out of my system a bit.
Luckily, I live close by to a super hot gym rat I’ve been FWB with for years, after originally meeting in a club. We’ve both previously agreed that “it’s not there between us”, but I enjoy sleeping with him as I find him very physically attractive. Plus he’s nice and familiar so seems like a good comfort blanket to start with.
We chat and I explain that I just ended something, and he says he can help get me out of my funk. We have very familiar, comfortable sex and use a vibrating cock ring I brought to surprise him with (though it makes him cum more quickly than I’d like). We lie in the bed watching TV for a bit before he orders me an Uber home, where I go and sleep like a baby. I’d forgotten how well I always sleep after fucking him and wake up feeling fully refreshed.
Tuesday
I work in the office then meet a friend for a picnic catch-up. I fill her in on the breakup, even though it’s already been a month now. When it first happened, I told those closest to me, but didn’t have the energy to broadcast the news to my entire network. She’s shocked by the details but it feels nice to debrief with a good friend; I gain a better perspective on the future and feel more excited about the prospect of finding somebody who’s 100% right for me.
Wednesday
I’m working from home which often means a lunchtime/afternoon masturbation sesh when I get bored and want to decompress. My flatmates are usually home working so I don’t use any loud vibrators, and I’m pretty good at just using my fingers.
I masturbate before bed too, thanks to the fact that I’ve been ragingly horny this week, and have another nice night’s sleep.
Thursday
A second former fuck buddy (who I also met at a sex party) has been in touch to let me know he’s moved to my area. In London, dating can feel even more exhausting when someone lives over an hour away from you - and the commute doesn’t feel worth it when it’s just for sex.
He’s another hot gym guy with a huge dick, so the fact that he’s now my neighbour feels very convenient. I go round after a work event where I’ve had many free drinks, so I’m feeling hyped. We chat for a bit but we both know what I’m there for and get to it pretty quickly. We fuck and I make myself cum. I know I shouldn’t necessarily put up with this lack of attentiveness from him, but it’s hard to find straight men who put the effort in to actually make you orgasm. My ex was amazing at it and now I have a benchmark of what I expect and want from a partner. But for casual things I’m honestly happy to take the L and do it myself if they’re not gonna change.
Friday
I masturbate before working from home, which has the opposite effect of waking me up and instead makes me feel really sleepy and means I start late.
After work, I head out on a date with a friend of a friend I first met a while back. We get along really well and have some really interesting conversation. I’m confident, smart and fun to talk to. So, whenever I date someone new like this, I’m wary of thinking we vibed because the chat was good - when in actual fact it’s often just me making the chat good!
He kisses me before we go our separate ways in the tube station. I’m not sure how much sexual attraction I’m feeling or whether we’ll just be mates, but I figure he’s the type of guy who’d treat me really well, so might be worth a shot.
Saturday
It’s the day of the sex party, taking place at a huge private mansion in London. Parties happen every two or three months, so I’m keen to go as there won’t be another for a while.
In the afternoon, I message a couple of people I've met there previously to see if they’ll be going. As I’m still pretty horny and feeling ~suspenseful~, I masturbate in the early evening to send me off into a much-needed disco nap.
My friend and I arrive and queue at the open bar, where I run into an American guy I’ve hooked up with various times. He tells me “I can’t wait to go upstairs with you later” and before I know it we’re already kissing while waiting for some drinks.
I tell him he’ll have to wait as I need to show my friend (a first-timer) around. Before I have a chance to see him again, I run into a different guy who exclaims that we met at the venue previously and that I’d given him my Instagram handle. I only have a vague recollection of the meeting - though I can’t believe that’s the case, given the fact that he’s super tall, blond, ripped and beautiful. It’s not long before we’re also kissing, soon heading off to a more private alcove hidden behind a curtain. We have quite frantic, energetic sex, briefly joined by another couple who take the other side of the small space. He pays me a <lot> of compliments, which I like, and I end up hanging out with him and his friends for a while.
Upstairs, there’s a shibari (a form of Japanese rope bondage) professional working with some ceiling-suspended ropes, as well as a dominatrix spanking people on a St Andrew’s cross. The cross is a staple at these kinds of parties, though I’ve never been brave enough to try it myself, having only ever used whips in private with a trusted partner. I decide to take the plunge. The dominatrix fastens my wrists against the cross and walks me through some safe words (“red” for stop, “orange” to ask for a change). She works her way up from whip to paddle to cane, although I make sure she keeps it all pretty light, but wind up feeling slightly sick from the standing and pain. My friend and I head to a quiet room for water and a debrief.
Later, I keep mingling but don’t have sex again, even turning down the American from before. I’m about to embark on a threesome with the blond guy and a girl, but it’s cut short when the lights go up. The guy and his friends start talking about going back to their house for an orgy - and I’m amazed that I would turn such a thing down. However, it’s 6am, scorching daylight, and I’m so ready to go home.
Sunday
Recovery time. I only sleep for about three hours, but still wake up surprisingly fresh-faced. Early evening, I go for a lie down and end up masturbating thinking about the night before. I’m glad I went to the party and am excited to see what else the year has in store.
